I write to you from my brand new, first home on my own, apartment! We moved in Wednesday, and it’s been crazy and busy and there are boxes hidden in places I hope you never find them, but we’re in! And sitting here in the living room, perfect lighting with lamps, movies on the stand, books on the shelves, and bible on the coffee table, I am content and enjoying a peaceful evening on my own. Spending time alone is a luxury I will never forget to take full advantage of ever again.
Lessons learned from week 2 of Indiana life…
1.) I have something to confess. In the last four days I have watched more How I Met Your Mother than anyone should. It really is beginning to worry me how much I have enjoyed season 6. I believe I am a real fan now… (being a real fan means you sit down and watch episode after episode).
2.) I have a growing obsession with music from Dave Barnes. If you haven’t listened to him, go ahead, do it. You will never be sorry. His music is the most uplifting, pleasant, make me wanna dance in my bare feet on our hardwood floors while our string lights glow music in I’ve ever heard. “Amen” will be played if I eve get married, and I will dance slow and in love… (okay, rabbit trail).
3.) Your only as far as your heart feels. Letter writing, phone calls, text messages whenever I think of someone I care about, reminds me that they are not gone just because I am away. In the last two weeks I have received four cards and a very wonderful package from home (friends, family, family friends, I am so lucky to have them!). I guess when I told my parents that I missed home (by that I mean, cried solidly for a long portion of my first two days alone), they put out the call to everyone that I needed some extra lovin’ from afar, and boy did they come through!
4.) Sometimes you just need to delete that number (and sometimes you need to add one back in). This idea is pretty self-explanatory.
5.) If “being a mother” was a strength, it would be obvious enough in my life that it’s noticed everywhere I go. I guess I shouldn’t complain though, it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever been called.
6.) Being confident is more than what you think. It’s how you act, what you say, and the way you carry yourself. You can say the words, but do you believe them? This week I remembered what it means to me to be known so well by friends that aren’t afraid to call me out. They know my baggage, heavens, I guess technically they are some of my baggage, but there is something about baggage… we’ve all got it, and depending on how we use it, that baggage can really open up to joy.
Some of us use our past, that baggage we carry, and we use it to the beat the new people who come into our lives. And we should really know better, we know just how heavy it is after carrying it for so long. We should be kinder to the people we meet. We should give them a chance.
Maybe if we’re lucky we’ll sit all that baggage down, open it up to inspect it, learn from it, become better because of it, and see how we can use all that baggage to become more interesting, more compassionate broken beings. And maybe, if we’re so blessed, someone will come around and not just look into that bags we’ve set down, but help us unpack them…
maybe…
I believe in the “maybe”. I believe in the possibilities. I believe that even when I think there is no way, there is no chance, there may just be a way. Maybe someday I’ll be proven so wrong and maybe someday I’ll look up to an open hand and invitation to dance…
maybe.
Until then, however, I will revel the dance I’m already enjoying.
openhandsfullheart 