I have been told for a significant portion of my life, that my vulnerable and authentic nature allows others to feel comfortable doing and being the same. I’m glad.
I do strive for transparency.
But, I’m not exactly fair… the single thing that has been a blessing and a course, potentially the thing that has defined me more than any other individual thing is something until this year I rarely talked about openly (except with my mom… shout out to the best mom in the world!)…
my weight.
Oh NO! She said it… she mentioned weight! Shoot (if you’re thinking about clicking out of here, do it now… its only gonna get worse). This taboo subject has lent itself to my ridicule (not really that much. shout out to that kid in 4th grade), my frustration, my joy, my failures, my admittedly distrust of men (working on this), my success, my passions. Unlike my friends of normal body weight (for the record, in the United States that’s a size 12), I have had the distinct pleasure of continually being… in this case, above average.
… and until today, I have not spoken about it publicly. Especially not via a blog that could be (won’t be) accessed by the world.
Why now? When life is going so good, open up a potential can of worms, embrace my long struggle towards healing, shake off the attempts I have made my whole life in an attempt to be “normal”?!
Maybe it’s because I am a gluten (no pun intended) for punishment?
or because I love the sound of my own voice (also true)?
There is some truth to both of those things, but the real truth is that…
I need to. My healing is wrapped up in this conversation, and so it yours (more to come on that in another post).
I am 5’8. I wear a size 26. And I am healing, and beautiful, and messy. And I work out at least three times a week (whoa?!). And I really enjoy carbs (ugh… tell me you don’t and I’ll tell you, you’re either lying like a Persian rug or seriously neglecting one of the most delicious food groups.)
And as of February I started seriously challenging myself to be better, to lose weight (I will never be 130 lbs so don’t get your hopes up. I have no interest of never eating a steak or a piece of cake again), and got serious about this whole “for my forever” thing. Its been slow goings, so I joined Weight Watchers (the 8th grader in me screamed not to do it again… but I’m certainly not in 8th grade anymore) three weeks ago…
I have goals (like weighing 150 lbs some day). Plenty of them.
But here’s my current one (besides writing my masters thesis)… share my story.
So prepare yourselves, here goes the 3 year process of a skinny girl mindset,
loves the feeling right after finishing a run, girl who happens to be in an above average body.
If this part of my life is like anything else it will be messy, pretty funny (okay, hilarious), full of lessons,
probably tearful (ugh. there’s nothing like a good cry), but continually full of hope.
So if you need any of those things…
Join my journey. Begin your own. Because this is what I do know… no one’s story should be ignored.
openhandsfullheart 